Mesa Sunrise, I haven’t noticed your beauty in a long time. The way your lips protrude in shades of pink, iridescent white and sandpaper brown. Your hood holds up high and proud protecting our crown jewel. You are a slick velvet cave of power. The entrance to you demands attention, precision, and elegance.
I love the way you’ve grown over the years. You’ve let me see, taste and touch your power. You let me know truth. For a long time I was afraid of your hunger and I ignored it. I tried to quite you down by pretending you weren’t there, or by mistreating you, or by just taking what I can. But I know better now. I know not to be afraid of your hunger. You’ve shown me that your hunger is my power.
I’ve learned to trust that you know best. But it still scares me to let you take full control because I don’t know what is on the other end. Most recently I’ve been feeling such intense pleasure from you that it scares me. The pleasure that emanates from you threatens to break down who I am- who I think I am, the me that has protected me from the world. You threaten my identity. I know that it is an identity that’s begging to be dissolved and broken down, and that’s why I decided long ago to open you up.
In the last few weeks I’ve closed you down and haven’t listened to you. I tasted your power and I’m afraid to fully surrender to it. I know you’re not happy with me. Please know that it’s because I’m scarred. That there are still things that I have to test out for myself. I will get there. I’m learning to trust you. To know that you have our higher needs in mind. You’ve never left me and I appreciate you being there when I’m ready to come back. Thank you for always being there.
San Francisco, CA
April 25, 2010